Key takeaways
- Holiday gatherings offer a great opportunity to thoughtfully connect with family.
- Intentional approaches can help alleviate tension and ensure you and your family enjoy the festivities – even if you don’t always see eye to eye.
- Examples include consciously cultivating habits such as empathizing with others’ experience, setting clear boundaries and finding common ground when possible.
Contributors
Dr. Michele Mikeska Jaffe
Executive Director, Family Dynamics
Navigating family dynamics during holidays or celebrations can bring both joy and challenges.
Occasions that bring together multiple generations or relatives you don’t see as often as you’d like can be a perfect opportunity for reconnection. When we gather with loved ones, differing perspectives and unresolved tensions can emerge. This gives us a unique opportunity to practice our communication skills and set positive examples for all family members.
Practical strategies can help foster healthier, more understanding relationships, centering on empathy, boundaries and effective communication.
While we can't control others or our emotions, we do have control over our behavior. When we mindfully choose our words and actions, we can create a harmonious environment that allows us to enjoy the festive season together.
This means we must consciously cultivate habits in our relationships to create a dynamic that feels right for us and the people in our lives. Achieving this requires attention and dedication.
The holidays are a perfect time to work on enhancing our communication skills and reflect on the type of relationships we would like to have with those we care about. Intentionally stepping back and slowing down from the busyness of our everyday lives to be present with loved ones can give us the space to reconnect. Here are six practices to consider:
- Slow down: The holiday season can be hectic, with various obligations pulling us in different directions. We first must take a moment to slow down. Take a breath. When we pause, we create space to observe our own emotions, set intentions and approach family interactions with greater clarity and calm.
- Cultivate empathy: Recognize that communication difficulties often stem from someone’s underlying fears, insecurities and unexpressed needs. By striving to see the world from another perspective and seeking to understand the root causes, we can transform our frustration and approach our family members with empathy and compassion.
- Set boundaries: An important part of building healthy relationships is establishing clear and respectful boundaries. Before you can strike the right balance with others, it’s crucial to know your boundaries. You may start by identifying your limits in terms of emotional, physical and mental comfort. If staying all day with your family feels like too much, then there is your boundary. By staying honest with yourself and transparent with others about what you can and can’t accept, you’ll protect your well-being while ensuring the relationships don’t breed resentment and anger.
- Depersonalize, depersonalize, depersonalize: Family dynamics are often influenced by long-standing, unspoken patterns. These cycles can be passed down, shaping interactions and expectations. By acknowledging these patterns, you can begin to foster healthier, more constructive ways of relating to family members.
- Use positive reinforcement: Acknowledge and express appreciation for positive interactions. Showing some gratitude when somebody treats you with respect can lead to more positive behaviors and interactions.
- Set an example for younger generations: By embracing thoughtful communication with your family, you’ll also be leading by example and modeling useful skills for the younger people in your life. Establishing a nurturing, nonjudgmental environment can be important when college kids are home for the holidays – especially given data showing students struggling with a lack of personal connection. In addition to reinforcing family bonds, you can help instill positive communication habits that will serve your kids or younger relatives back on campus or wherever their futures may lead.
Finally, seek support when needed. If family interactions feel overwhelming, reach out to friends, partners and professionals for support. Your networks can often provide guidance to help you navigate challenging relationships more effectively.
Bottom line
There may be no better holiday gift than sharing the holiday with the people you care about. So, approach this holiday with a long-term perspective. By beginning to apply these strategies, you can create a more harmonious holiday experience for yourself and those you love. Hoping you and yours enjoy the season.
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