Families often worry about how inheritances will affect family members. It doesn’t help that talking about money can be considered “taboo.” Renowned family advisor, James (Jay) E. Hughes, reminds us that the word “wealth” comes from the old English “weal” which meant “well-being.”¹ Wealth is about far more than having access to financial resources. Breaking through the taboo and inviting loved ones into thoughtful conversations about money and wealth could well be one of the most powerful gifts you can give.

To prepare for an intentional conversation with loved ones, we recommend beginning by reflecting on (1) the values you hold and lessons you’ve learned, and (2) your hopes for the future.

Name your core values

What are your core values? It’s a seemingly simple question, but answering it requires intentional reflection on your unique life journey. Values are inherently emotional, as they come from our lived experiences. When taking inventory of your values, here are some tips:

• Think about the highs and the lows of your life, your victories and your defeats. What emotions did you experience? What values were created or exemplified in those moments?
• To further refine your list of values, consider how you spend your time, your money and your energy. How we trade these “currencies of life” can help clarify what we hold dear. They also help us understand areas where we have “buyer’s remorse,” illuminating places where we may be living in ways that are not aligned with our values.
• Also, consider the ways that your upbringing may inform some of your attitudes, understanding that attitudes are not the same as values. What money messages did you grow up with? Which of them came from your parents? How did you learn them? Do you still embrace them?
• Finally, think about those who supported you along the way. In what ways did your friends, family or community help, financially and in other ways?

Once you have a preliminary list, test each value and shorten the list to just three to five. What values are “non-negotiable” versus “nice to have”? What values have been hard to live up to, but nevertheless remain aspirational and important?

Ultimately, sharing these values with your family will help them understand who you are and what matters to you. What’s more, by telling the stories that shaped your values, your family members learn powerful lessons about how you overcame adversity and developed resilience.

Hope out loud

We frequently remind families that money can be like fuel. Fuel can catalyze healthy and dynamic growth, but fuel can also cause destruction and waste. By defining wealth broadly, so that it extends beyond financial abundance, you and your family can take stock of all of the ways you individually and collectively can positively contribute to the world.

• What gifts, talents and perspective can we bring to bear?
• How can the family’s social relationships with each other, and with others, foster health and growth?
• How do we, individually and collectively, define “success”?

As you consider the impact of future financial inheritances, it’s imperative not to fall into the trap of catastrophizing worst case scenarios for your loved ones. You must hope out loud about the kinds of people you want your children and loved ones to be, and how their energy and creativity can boldly contribute to the world.

And then, write it down and share

Neuroscience has taught us that writing things down drives clarity. Writing down your values and the stories that crystallized those values has an added benefit. It gives future generations a piece of family lore to hold on to, consult when they’ve lost their way and need direction, and share as new members are added and new descendant branches grow.

Statements of values can also form the backbone of heartfelt “legacy letters” addressed to future beneficiaries of financial wealth. They can also transform into “letters of wishes” or “letters of instruction” written to trustees and guardians who are eventually tasked with carrying out your wishes and making important decisions that can sustain or protect your legacy over time. While generally not legally binding, these are important tools for helping your family “live well” inside the complex estate planning structures financial abundance often requires.

Most importantly, these written statements can help families build navigational compasses that guide their everyday decisions – about how to live and connect, as well as navigate the “three G’s” of abundant family wealth: ”gifting” to benefit others, ”governance” and decision-making and ”giving” philanthropically. With intentional and thoughtful communication, you and your family can co-create a vision of the future where financial capital supports a multi-generational legacy that is based on a shared definition of success.

We can help

Your J.P. Morgan advisor can connect you with Family Engagement & Governance strategists equipped with frameworks that can help you identify your values and craft a unique expression of intention that can serve as a powerful family touchstone.